1. If you're not a relative, and we just met, you have to be cute to get a ride.
2. If you weigh more than the guy, forget about it.
3. Stop banging your $50 PepBoys helmet into the back of my Arai!
4. I am not responsible for finding a ride for your ugly girlfriend. Sorry.
5. Stop scratching my tank with your rings!
6. Don't complain that we're going too fast.
7. Don't complain that we're going too slow.
8. Don't try to lean the bike for me. Stay in the center and just enjoy the ride.
9. If you're a featherweight, squeeze me from time to time so that I know you are still back there.
10. YES, I did just adjust my mirrors so I can see your *****.
11. NO, you can't learn how to ride on my 420 lb., 160 HP, 10K sportbike. Ninja 250s are built for a reason.
12. Be careful when you swing those heels over the tail. Plastics are expensive!
13. If I am suited up in my one piece suit with the kneesliders on, don't even look at me. I mean business today.
14. It is NEVER a "cute" bike.
15. I NEVER look "cute" in my leathers.
16. If you like to ride so much, buy some gear. I'm good, but that doesn't mean the old lady down the street won't decide to kamikaze us.
17. Yes, I can do wheelies. No, I won't do them with you on the back.
18. I am not your personal taxi. We'll go where I want to go, otherwise you may find you have a long walk back to your car.
19. Contrary to what other people will tell you, you do not owe me anything for taking you along, but it is a good way to make sure you get a ride next time you are out.
20. You have two good pairs of arms and legs. USE THEM! I can't take you sliding up my back when I brake forever.
21. The bike accelerates fast; HOLD ON or you will quickly drop a couple of pant sizes thanks to road-rash!
22. Harleys suck. End of discussion.
23. You will score major bonus points if you know who any of the following are: Nicky Hayden, Valentino Rossi, Loris Capirossi, John Hopkins, Alex Hoffman, Mat Mladin, Ben Spies, Jamie Hacking, Jake Zemke, Josh Hayes, Troy Corser, Troy Bayliss, Max Biaggi, Noriyuki Haga, James Toseland.
24. I will love you forever if you go to a trackday with me and help me change tires.
25. You may think that feeling me up while riding is super sexy, and it is, but it is also a good way to cause a crash. Do it at your own risk.
26. Years of five digit RPMs have made me partially deaf. If I keep nodding and smiling like an idiot, it is because I have no idea what you just said.
27. Don't call it a crotch-rocket, only squids call bikes that.
28. Learn what a squid is and then don't ever associate with them.
29. Don't assume that I am in a gang or am a criminal. LOL
30. Don't ride with anyone who's bike looks like it hasn't even seen an oil change in years and has messed up body panels. Unless you would like YOUR fluids and body panels replaced at the hospital.