Bar night and the piss gum.
 

It was my friend Jaylene's birthday last Saturday, so we decided to make an event of it and head over the local club for some drinks and what have you. Now, being a single white male, this is the perfect opportunity for me to do what I do best... get wasted out of my face, and talk to the women.

Prior to arriving, I made sure to get good and pre-drunk. Six flaming Dr.Pepper shots started the process, and a couple screwdrivers kept me on my toes.

We get there, and the first thing I notice is that there is a sign on the ATM machine saying "Out of Order". So naturally, I rip it off, and place it on the back of an unsuspecting friend of mine. We watch him walk around the bar talking to people, all the while our table is laughing hysterically. He doesn't figure it out for at least half an hour.

A couple more drinks and I'm ready for my first trip to the facilities. I will now skip the unsavory details. After, I go up to wash my hands, and there is some black dude at the sinks. He squirts this white substance into my hands. I rub my hands together, drunk enough that I think it's lotion, and not even sober enough to question it. I almost walk out of the bathroom when he catches me...

Him: Uh, that's soap.
Me: It's what?
Him: Hand soap.
Me: Where were you when I had to wipe my @ss?

The guy has this small dish near the sink, with some money in it. It's for tips, he supplies cologne, soap, gives you a paper towel to dry your hands with, etc. I throw in a dollar, and ask for a piece of gum (yup, even breath freshners, and I had some serious beer breath after my last visit to the Corona stand). He goes to give it to me, and proceeds to drop it on the floor of the washroom.

Him: Oh sh-t.
Me: Eh.
Him: *he picks it up, and puts it in my hand* Here, do you want a towel to wipe it off? [there is spilled alcohol, water, and probably a fair bit of urine on the floor]
Me: What did I just give you a dollar for, to make myself feel better? You dropped the gum into a puddle of piss, I'm not eating it even if you use that crappy soap on it first, I want another piece.

He promptly gives me another piece, and I leave. I was almost tempted to take my dollar back, I could use it to buy another drink and increase my state of intoxication.

Maybe this is just a Winnipeg thing, but in any of the bars down in the US do they have this clown in the washroom giving sh-t out in hopes of some decent tips?

I did the usual flirting with as many hot girls as possible, and just as I was about to land one, one of my friends got his @ss booted out. And because I had the money for the cab, I had to go with him, or let him freeze his @ss off. I tried to convince her to come along, but she didn't want to leave her friends. Go figure.

Next time, he freezes his @ss off.

[/end life story]

So that was my Saturday. Whee.

That story really sucked.

...

^ :lolsign:

haha :lolup:

:lolup: lmao glad I'm not the one that picked up on that first, I was thinking the same **** thing when I read it.

hahhahaha

gotta watch the black dudes squirting **** in your hand :p you canuks are weird :p

x2 yea btw x2 on the it suck reply. lol

You think the post sucked? You should have been present for the actual night. Not the best outing ever, and I say that dripping with sarcasm.

Having said that, I just wasted about 20 minutes of your time. Merry Christmas! :nana:

If it took anyone 20 minutes to read that then they need to go back to Jr. High.

:speechles

not in kentucky!

not in most clubs, but in any higher up, 'classy' restaurant, they have them everywhere....

In any 'classy' restaurant, they would probably pay the guy an hourly wage, then tips on top of that.

Winnipeg needs to realize that its shitty-*** Upscale-Night-club-wannabe-bars are not 'classy', and therefore do not need this goof making a nuisance of himself.