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Dominus Noster / Unconfirmed Sources | March 25 2006

SACRAMENTO -- California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told a group of reporters that actor Charlie Sheen's "questionable" past renders his views invalid.

"I just want to say to you, Charlie, you lack moral authority to speak about 911 - and other issues, for that matter," said Governor Schwarzenegger.

Governor Schwarzenegger also went on to say that the only way somebody who isn't as pure and holy as Jesus can have the right to speak is by being a Republican.

"Yes, I made some gay porn for Robert Mapplethorpe. Yes, I like to grope women, too. Yes, I have done illegal drugs. Yes, I have written some very hostile things about Christians and Christianity. Yes, I have a nazi background. So what if I'm a degenerate hedonist, I am a Republican. Only Republicans have the right to not be like Jesus," Governor Schwarzenegger told a group of reporters.

Governor Schwarzenegger explained that just by the fact that he is a Republican, that alone earns him the moral authority to have beliefs.

"I'm a Republican, and being a Republican gives me the moral authority to say that Charlie Sheen has no business saying anything about political issues. Being a Republican atones for all of my sins. Not only that, Charlie is an actor, for Chrissakes!" the Governor said.

Governor Schwarzenegger also said that actors who have sinned before have no right to say anything about politics.

"Charlie Sheen has sinned before. A sinful actor has no business questioning the infallible President and the holy U.S. government," said the Governor. "The only qualification a sinful actor has to speak about political issues is to support the Republican Party."

When asked what right a foreign-born, actor-turned-governor, who once posed nude for Robert Mapplethorpe, has to tell an American-born actor that they lack the moral credentials to question Bush administration lies, Governor Schwarzenegger responded by saying, "Again, I am a REPUBLICAN! The Bill of Rights has been suspended for all non-Republicans."

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