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A lady and her baby...

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"

The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

God's Identity

One day a little boy asks his mom questions about God. He goes up to his mother and asks, "Mom, is God a girl or a boy?"

Not really know what to say the mother just says, "Well, son, he's a girl and a boy."

So he asks his mother, "Mom, is God black or white?"

Again not really knowing what to say, the mother tells her son, "Well ,son, he's black and white."

So the little boy looks at his mother as though he finally understands and says, "Ohhhh, I didn't know that God was Michael Jackson!"

In school one day, the teacher decided that ...

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"