GTcarz - Automotive forums for cars & trucks. - Best of Craigslist Posting, Honda/Acura

Pretty funny story here (I have no idea if it is true) that appeared on
craigslist.org

(some adult language used....unedited)

-----------------
Honda wigger clown car story.

This is a true story. I swear Im not making any of this up. ....and you may
very well see the car and laugh your ass off as well.

So Im a car enthusiast, and part time auto mechjanic who helps the neighbors
out with thier cars. Hey, ive got a little knowledge, been doing this for a
few years, and Ive got a great set of tools. I have a rather fast and rare
early 70s hobby car that i take out on weekends, an oldsmobile 442.

So anyway. My neighbors kid turns 17, and the mother gives him her honda
civic.
Say it out loud now with me. Honda civic.

Plastic and aluminum, 75 horsepower, basic commuter car, honda civic.

"perfect for a new driver, economical, easy to maintain and dependable a
good basic car for junior," i thought to myself.

The first week was fine, he bought spinning hubcaps and a set of dragon seat
covers for it. That should have been it. He should have left it alone.

The week after that, I walk out to my mailbox, and I almost called the cops.
I thought I had just seen a UFO. as it slowly approached.....i could see it
was a HONDA CIVIC.....with four different blinking colors of neon underneath
it. Holy . I almost had a ing siezure looking at this thing. Even
the shifter knob was blinking.

......Then about 48 hours later, Im laying in bed, about ready to my
girlfriend when I hear BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ-owwww. BZZZZ-owww. over and over in
the neighbors garage.
"Well this is an odd time of night for Mr. Richardson to be ing around
with his chainsaw." I thought out loud. After forty five minutes of this
irritating buzzing, I thought Id go over and ask the neighbor to play with
his chainsaw in the morning.
Here is the junior richardson boy, proudly revving his engine up and down. 4
more wannabe fake gangsta kids were standing around "tuning" his new
exhaust.....which consisted of a rather small header and 4 coffee cans spray
painted silver and the words "TYPE-R" stenciled on it.

Holy . I told him to pleae quit ing with the car so I could sleep.

Wait, that is BY FAR not all.

The following week, he ask me if he can borrow a screwdriver and a hammer.
He is installing his new "type r" rear spoiler. He was rather proud of it.
He paid almost 600 dollars for it. I asked him where he was going to put it,
since a honda civic does not have a trunk. "The roof, dawg" is what he told
me.
This spoiuler looks like an aluminum picnic table that you would see in a
public park, except for lots of rivets in it and the words "Type R" all over
it.
I almost stopped him, but I wanted to see how retarded it would look.
I gleefully helped him install it. Yup, totally retarded. Classic.
He went on to explain to me that he needed it for all of the downforce he
needed to maintain traction at supersonic speeds.
4 cylinders.
75 horsepower.
Downforce. Oh my god, what a retard.

It gets better.

2 weeks later, he is asking to borrow my cordless drill.
He just bought a body kit, yo, and heeds to be down fo' shizzle wit da tool
dawg to istall it, no wut hes sane, dawg?
Body kit. Pay attention. It gets good here.
So he drills all of the holes, double sided tape and screws this
motherer to his car, and it REALLY is beginning to look like a space
ship. or a an alien life form. Or a circus car. Well, circus, not yet. Thats
coming.
heres the problem. The body kit is white. The car is dark green. It looks
like a burrito vomit.....and the car is a full 4 inches wider, and 2 inches
lower than it was before.
He cant get the doors to open or close properly, because the "body kit, yo"
is catching the door jamb. So, always the helpful one, I give him my
grinder. That was the coolest, watching this 'tard grind on his new 1200
dollar yo yo word up body kit. word. It was the flyest, dawg.

Circus act part 1.

Now, he decides he wants to "Lower the ride, dog."
I wouldnt let him use my tools, as I was afraid this dumb would blow
himself up with what he wanted to do next.
He would cut the coils. dangerous. Unsafe. Stupid.

He succeeded in cutting the coils, but now his new body kit dawg was
dragging on the ground. and, to top it all off, the car was bouncing up and
down like a carnival ride, effectively ending his neon lighted glory. His
type r exhaust was dragging on the ground as well.

You should see how retarded this er looks. A huge picnic table on the
roof, 2 tone body kit, special kid tailights. blinking, broken neon,
stickers all over it, buzzing like a chainsaw on crack, bouncing up and down
like a clown car.

Wait, thats not all. now hondtard wants a "syssem, yo." Oh yeah. He pieced
together 6 different trashed car stereos, one home streo, and a kraagen auto
parts special base speaker, and somehow wired the neon lights (whats left of
them) to blink with the beat of the music.
.....Except you cant hear the music. You can only hear the bass. ...And it
rattles his rooftop spoiler and license plate frame.

Now its REALLY looking AND SOUNDING like a clown car.

Okay. Now for hondtards carbon fiber paint job. He puts a hood scoop from an
early 60s mustang on it, and its EMORMOUS. It kind of balanced out the
retardeness of the rear spoiler/picnic table.
Then out comes the spray cans. All 18 of them. First, he pulled off his
spinning hubcaps, and painted the wheels BLACK. Flat black.
Then he painted the body kit dawg bright, neon yellow.
The rest of the car was painted bright red, with a purple fist turning into
a dragon or some airbrushed on the doors.

Clown car complete? Not yet.

As I stated previously, I have experience with fast cars. He knows that I
can make a car go fast. He comes over with a copy of "honda tuuner guy"
magazine, filled with equally retarded looking cars.
He asks me: "Yo dawg, i wanna make dis here b18 goes fast and . I was
thinkin of an acura V-tec swap or some NOSS"
So i asked him, what exactly do you intend to do with this car? Will you be
entering it in the most retarded car contest, or what?
He says: "Naaw, cracka. That is be is funny and , but I is for
reals, for reals. I need to be running in the 12s and making 350 horsepower"

So I asked him: Why dont you save your money and buy a car that already
makes 350 horsepower, like a camaro or a GTO or something, instead of trying
to make a car with 75 horsepower, that was never intended to go that fast
any faster?

"dont be a foo, yo. Everybody knows dat ode skoo cant hang" he tells
me.
Now Im pissed. Insulted. I said: Lookit here, junior, i'll pull my olds
cutlass out of the garage and make your look like it was going
backwards. No noss, no turbo, no stickers and no body kit is gonna help you
beat the "ODE SKOO" cars, DAWG. And the same goes for any of your other
retard car driving friends.
Ill have you and your homies wetting your pants with fear before we ever hit
second gear. You have 6 grand worth of bolted onto a 1000 dollar car
that was perfectly good when you got it, and now it looks, sounds and drives
like ass. Get the out of my garage.
He looked like he was gonna cry.
He left with a solid " you dawg, ill beat your old man car with a 150
shot" and he left, trying to pull up his drawers and give me the finger at
the same time.

Showdown.

Now I am a responsible adult, and I do not condonne street rascing. However,
when faced with a direct insult, challenge, and you, amy man tends to
be defensive enough to take a few risks.

Beautiful sunny day. First day Ive had my car out of the garage all winter.
I check the fluids. I start the engine. I anticipate a crisp, lively jaunt
at mind-bending speeds up the interstate.
I rev my engine, i sip my coffee.

Hondtard heard me revving my engine, and him and 2 of his friends do the
same in the driveway. One is a New acura in the pre-clown car stages of
molestation, and the other one is junior's moms civic. It sounds like a lawn
mower race at the richardsons house. I crank my engine up to 3000 RPM and
drown them out.

I climb in my car, check the guages, and idle out into the road.

I look in my rearview, and Im being followed by two bouncing, brightly
colored bumping clown cars with backward hat retards pointing in my
direction.

I ignore them. Not worth my trouble. Im an adult.

Acuretard and hondtard pass me when I hit the 680 on the left and the right.

Bzzzzzzzz.
Gone. Good. I am halfway to livermore when they blast out of the on ramp and
attempt to box me in. acuratard is revving his engine and pointing forward ,
hondtard is slowing me down in front of me.

it. Ive had enough.

I stuffed it down into third gear, opened all 455 cubic inches wide open,
almost rear-ended hondtard and swerved directly at acuratard.
I broke the rear tires loose at 70 miles an hour, and acuratard was busy
downshifting trying to get enough speed up to catch me.

I dusted these little cocksuckers so bad they simply dissappeared. I got off
on the livermore exit and waited for them on the on ramp. Some of thier own
game. Right back atcha homie.

I let them see me. Then I smoked the tires brutally and violently out of the
ramp so that they would know I was pissed and coming for them.

I knew the honda was slow, so i ignored him and brought it down right on the
acuras bumper. I got within an inch of this terrified teenagers ass and
popped on the high beams and gunned the motor. I mashed the gas i n third
and was threatening to bump him. 90, 100, 110....
he couldnt get away from me. he waved for me to pass. hondtard was WAAAAY in
the back.
The acura fag was scared, and beaten and he knew it. I pulled alongside.

I motioned for him to roll down his window. I screamed and pointed. He
backed way off.

I stuck my finger in the air and screamed you at acura tard, and dumped
it, quickly accelerating to 130 MPH until they couldnt see my tailights any
more.

Later that evening, as I told my fiancee this story ("your a juvenile
, you could have killed those kids and you are going to piss off the
neighbors")

I heard two chainsaws idle up very slowly to my house. Holy . Its a
drive by. These ers want to kill me.
A knock on the door.
I answer it, ready to beat some fake gangsta ass if I have to.

They want to see my car now. "Do you have noss?, is it a hemi?"

fags. get lost.

Clown car is still on the road, but now homie g wants to learn all about the
"ode skoo"

If you see this car, put a sticker on it. He seems to like them, and thinks
they make the car cooler. Then dust his ass once for good measure.

You simply have to see this kids car to believe it. If your car looks
retarded and its fast, cool. Then you can look a little ing special and
get away with it. But this thing looks like it was dropped off at the
special education shop class and built by retards, and it s not even quick.

In honor of dale "pimpdaddyhustla" richardson, class of 2006 and his clown
car, I dedicate this to you. Let me take you for a ride once you feel you
are man enough. I see you stepped up to the plate and lost big time. Im
willing to help you install the noss and the v-tecs and let you try again.