FLYBYNIGHT

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so
"profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying
it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it
is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to
know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the
rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are
not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is
more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth
and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell
to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell
has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by
Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure
that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of
this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is
not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"