The real Santa.

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12-23-2004, 02:22 AM

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The real Santa.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all
yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
______________________________________
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
_____________________________________
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid, fat mom, who rides his *** constantly? It's time to
give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe
you can build yourself a family with those?
Santa
__________________________________________

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots
for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face
when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim
Beam.
Santa
___________________________________________
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I
give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by
drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses
while losing money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
"Long Dong" Claus
___________________________________________
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm
skipping
your house.
Santa
__________________________________________
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Santa
___________________________________________
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
***
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa