rules of manhood
12-20-2008, 03:55 PM
#1
GTcars - Post God !
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: canada bitches
Posts: 2,706
Rep Power: 730 
rules of manhood
READ, KNOW,OBEY
1: Under NO circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2:It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b) After wrecking you boss's car
c) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the "Crying game"
d)When she is using her teeth
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forevver unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddies fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temparture is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must be at a strip club of the birthday boy's choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stobs, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissable to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical baech... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. EVER. Issue Closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza but not both, that's just greedy.
18.If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join you girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
a) Yeah, Baby , Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
21. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
23. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling wierd and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
24. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
25. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours, brown, pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue.
26. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you would know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story
27. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice skating or Men's Gymnastics. EVER
28. We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being able assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"*****" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, and slapping you wife on the butt and having the ***** to say, "you're next!"
1: Under NO circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2:It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master
b) After wrecking you boss's car
c) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the "Crying game"
d)When she is using her teeth
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forevver unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddies fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temparture is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must be at a strip club of the birthday boy's choice.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stobs, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissable to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical baech... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. EVER. Issue Closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza but not both, that's just greedy.
18.If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join you girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
a) Yeah, Baby , Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
21. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
22. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
23. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling wierd and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
24. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
25. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours, brown, pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue.
26. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you would know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story
27. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice skating or Men's Gymnastics. EVER
28. We've all heard about people having guts or *****. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being able assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"*****" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, and slapping you wife on the butt and having the ***** to say, "you're next!"
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)