Top 5 Smart ass comments for 2004
02-18-2005, 04:07 PM
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Top 5 Smart *** comments for 2004
TOP 5 SMART ASSANSWERS FOR 2004...according to Readers Digest
Smart *** Answer #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his rench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart *** Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart *** Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart *** Answer #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
#1 SMART *** ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004........................
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Smart *** Answer #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his rench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart *** Answer #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart *** Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart *** Answer #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
#1 SMART *** ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004........................
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
LOL
02-20-2005, 05:22 PM
#8
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another good cop one I heard......
A cop was sitting in his car awaiting any speeders, when arond the bend came 3 cars speeding right by. The officer got in his car and chased one speeder down. When the cop got the the drivers window, the driver asked the cop why he was pulled over and the other 2 got away. The officer replied, when you go fishing and a school of fish pass by you cant catch all of them, you just hope you get one, in this case it was you. Then the smart *** driver replyed "yeah but when you go fishing don't you throw any back in the lake?... the cop laughed so hard he let him go.
A cop was sitting in his car awaiting any speeders, when arond the bend came 3 cars speeding right by. The officer got in his car and chased one speeder down. When the cop got the the drivers window, the driver asked the cop why he was pulled over and the other 2 got away. The officer replied, when you go fishing and a school of fish pass by you cant catch all of them, you just hope you get one, in this case it was you. Then the smart *** driver replyed "yeah but when you go fishing don't you throw any back in the lake?... the cop laughed so hard he let him go.
02-20-2005, 06:13 PM
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Smartass eh?
Upper level Physiology class last year, about 200-300 students or so. Topic of discussion is concerning ion regulation in the lower portion of the renal system. Professor makes a random remark concerning abnormal salt intake and the affects of explosive Diarrha, totally left field... then, if on QUEUE, all you hear in a lil' John voice is WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
Class is reduced to laughter.
Without missing a beat, this 40 something prof yells out in reply
YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA
It was ing Gold.
Prof: 'some people just dont believe the detriments of explosive diarrha...'
Upper level Physiology class last year, about 200-300 students or so. Topic of discussion is concerning ion regulation in the lower portion of the renal system. Professor makes a random remark concerning abnormal salt intake and the affects of explosive Diarrha, totally left field... then, if on QUEUE, all you hear in a lil' John voice is WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?
Class is reduced to laughter.
Without missing a beat, this 40 something prof yells out in reply
YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA
It was ing Gold.
Prof: 'some people just dont believe the detriments of explosive diarrha...'
02-20-2005, 06:29 PM
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Guy's driving down the highway, then all of a sudden pulls over to the side of the road. He pops the trunk, and in a few minutes, a cop spots him and pulls in behind the car. Cop gets out of the car, approaches the driver who's on the passengers side of the car, and asks "Got a flat tire, eh?"
Driver replies "No sir, I was driving along and the 3 others just swelled up on me"
Old joke, but I like it
Driver replies "No sir, I was driving along and the 3 others just swelled up on me"
Old joke, but I like it
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