cimetière

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting
over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you
guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and
one blonde with big breasts."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts?" "Why kill a blonde with big
breasts?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about
the 140 million Iraqis!"
--------------
Italian Driving tips.
http://home.datacomm.ch/marco.fernan...tto/yes&no.swf
--------------
A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He
took
off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing
through what little hair he had left on his head.
"This is great," he thought as he roared down I-95. He pushed the pedal
to
the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a
highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren
blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he
tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.
Then 110, 120 mph.
Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
He
pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch
up
with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir,"
he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is
Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never
heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said, "Several years ago my wife ran
off
with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."
--------------------
PILOTS & AIR CONTROLLERS

The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
control towers around the world.
================================================== ==========
============

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

================================================== ==========
============

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

"Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

================================================== ==========
====

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
f...ing
bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

================================================== ==========
====

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a

Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
little Fokker in sight."

================================================== ==========
============

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.

While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
your
last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

================================================== ==========
============

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
after touching down.

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

================================================== ==========
============

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."

Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a
B-52 that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."

--
Daniel

www.dromadaire.com/cimetiere/ouonsenva (français)
ou/or
www.dromadaire.com/cimetiere/english (english version)

Stanley Schaeffer

I am going to put Goodyear Triple Treds on ...my 2002 Sonata 6GLS Anyone
have any thoughts on best replacement tires for this car?? Stanley
"cimetière" <cimetiere@dddt.com> wrote in message
news:R75Xc.150738$F85.3848172@wagner.videotron.net ...
> President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
> A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting
> over there?"
> The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
> So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you
> guys doing in here?"
> Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
> And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
> Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and
> one blonde with big breasts."
> The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts?" "Why kill a blonde with
big
> breasts?"
>
> Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about
> the 140 million Iraqis!"
> --------------
> Italian Driving tips.
> http://home.datacomm.ch/marco.fernan...tto/yes&no.swf
> --------------
> A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He
> took
> off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing
> through what little hair he had left on his head.
> "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-95. He pushed the pedal
> to
> the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a
> highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren
> blaring.
> "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he
> tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.
> Then 110, 120 mph.
> Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."
> He
> pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch
> up
> with him.
> The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man.
"Sir,"
> he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is
> Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never
> heard before, I'll let you go."
> The man looked at the trooper and said, "Several years ago my wife ran
> off
> with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
> The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."
> --------------------
> PILOTS & AIR CONTROLLERS
>
> The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and
> control towers around the world.
> ================================================== ==========
> ============
>
> Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
>
> Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ============
>
> "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
>
> "Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
>
> "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ====
>
> From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm
> f...ing
> bored!"
>
> Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
> immediately!"
>
> Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ====
>
> O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
>
> Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
>
> United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the
> little Fokker in sight."
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ============
>
> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
>
> While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was
> your
> last known position?"
>
> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ============
>
> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
out
> after touching down.
>
> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
> the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe
exit
> off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
>
> ================================================== ==========
> ============
>
> There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
> because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."
>
> Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind
a
> B-52 that had one engine shut down.
>
> "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
>
> --
> Daniel
>
> www.dromadaire.com/cimetiere/ouonsenva (français)
> ou/or
> www.dromadaire.com/cimetiere/english (english version)
>
>
>